Rule 580

Stop doubting that you did great work just because you’re the one who did it.

Rule 579

Dear Team,

Just a few things I would ask you to consider doing at home instead of in front of me while I work (each of these are true):

Flossing;

Clipping your toenails;

Arguing with your Ex on the phone (vocally, VRS or text);

Chewing tobacco and spitting in a cup;

Texting memes to the client;

Sexting;

Sleeping;

Vaping;

Watching YouTube Videos; or,

Taking your bra off without removing your shirt (I KID YOU NOT). It’s impressive, I agree, but you are not invisible just because your back is to the audience (That does not mean take your shirt off first and then… look, you’re kind of missing the point, just don’t).

Thank you.

This list is not exhaustive. I am sure that I will add to it.

Rule 575

Today I replaced the fly-wheel and belt on my swamp cooler.

Where did you learn how to do that?

(Crap) Um, you know, you pick things up… where does anyone learn to do anything…?

Rule 574

If the only reason you didn’t… is because you believe the Code of Profession Conduct says you shouldn’t, you need to get a better handle on “ethics.”