Rule 727

Famous last words:

1. (Legal Interpreting) “Can I borrow the interpreter for just a quick second…”

2. (Freelance Interpreting) “When you’re finished can you run quick to another appointment? It’s not far and shouldn’t take long…”

3. (VRS Interpreting) Welcome to the Social Security Administration… (well, the last words you’ll hear this shift anyway.)

Rule 724

VRS Interpreters! Enjoy the tomb-like security that only a cubicle can bring. Yes, for the simple price of a regular paycheck (and lack of exposure to any natural light) you too can spend your days on hold with the Social Security Administration and your nights making bootie calls, all from the claustrophobic comfort of your cubicle. Hazzah!

Rule 716

Freelance considerations:

Good tires

Layers

Traffic/Time between appointments

Snacks

VRI considerations:

Internet connection

Lighting

Background

Snacks

Pants (yes/no)

VRS Considerations:

Context

Hold music vs. sanity

Snacks

Pants (Why, and would anyone in the Call Center notice/care)

Rule 627

VRS Interpreters: The difference between denotative meaning and connotative meaning is often time dependent. A signed phrase that at 2:00 p.m. means “butt dial,” at 2:00 a.m. means, “booty call.”

Rule 620

VRS Interpreter: Hello my name is [Name] and I am a VRS Interpreter.

Support Group: Hi [Name]!

VRS Interpreter: Um. Well. I’ve been a CA for about four years now and I never thought I had a problem, then, the other day the call was answered by a PBX system, you know:

“…if you know the extension of the party you wish to reach you may dial it at any time, otherwise please choose from the following:

Press One for…”

And I realized I had memorized the number sequence to get from the trunk line to a live operator for that company.

And the Social Security Administration.

And to get to the Customer Service Department at four different cell phone providers.

And six hospitals and nine doctors offices, only one of which is in my State.

And Human Resources for the US Post Office.

Oh, and for Costco and, like, seven other businesses.

I can’t even call my children by their correct names half the time.

That’s when I knew I needed help…

Rule 610

Every VRI and VRS Interpreter eventually espouses Resistentialism.

(Look it up and you will agree. I’ll wait.)